Thursday, 19 December 2013
The Ghost of Christmas Past
So a big day yesterday - and a very impromptu visit with some of the people who taught me everything I know - some of the beloved colleagues and former members of my staff in the Ministry of Health. My only excuse beyond how I had been feeling, in waiting so long to go back there was not the circumstances of my departure but something deeper - the need to find a level of acceptance and peace with the fact that it is a place I will not be returning to as an employee - something that I had hung onto valiantly for some time. I suppose it is a symptom of the broader shift in my thinking about my current path - that has helped me let that feeling go - relieve some of the sorrow around traversing the halls that were at once so familiar - but now feel farther away. So with a small window of energy - I could pick up some holiday treats - walk through the doors as a true visitor - ride the elevator to the fifth floor, past the darkened window of the office where I lived for so many years - and give a hug to some of the people who meant so much to me. Of course, the spur of the moment nature of this decision and the time of year - meant missing a few people I would have dearly loved to see - but also the opportunity to meet some of the new faces who have joined the crew since I left. It is a testament to the size of their hearts - and other dear colleagues who moved onto other challenges and workplaces - that they were thoughtful and generous to a fault - and had taken the step of making a sizeable donation to the Victoria Hospice in my name as a holiday present - a gift that could not be more appropriate or touching - and a day later I am still in awe of the generosity of their hearts - their capacity to make me feel like a part of the family long after I walked away - the lasting impression of their gentle embraces - the warmth of their eyes - the pride I feel in having had the privilege to work with them and watch them and their families grow. All of this and so much more - and what I feel is not sadness but gratitude for every minute in their company.